Where in the World is Carmen Sandiegowitz?

New York is full of New Yorkers. And New Yorkers went to yeshivas and day camps and BBYO meetings. Where they met other New Yorkers (and New Jerseyans and Miami-ites). Which means that I'd often find myself surrounded by New Yorkers playing a game of Jewish Geography while I wistfully looked on. Walk into any room full of Jews with certain friends and they can point out a sleepaway-camp-cabin's worth of people. "I went to Camp Ramah with her." "She was my BBYO leader." "He's dating my roommate's ex-girlfriend." For some reason, those 2 weeks at Camp Shalom in North Florida that one summer did not amply prepare me for this game.

So where does one most often put his Jewish Geography acumen to the test? Parties. The parties friends throw are akin to playing Texas Hold 'Em on Yahoo! Games. Totally fun and a great way to flex your JG skills, but not as exciting or impressive as the high stakes poker game that is Ubiquitous Parties Thrown by Various Jewish Organizations.

I first got to play Jewish geography last summer at Bangitout.com's White Party. It took almost 6 years living in New York, but when I arrived at the party with one friend, I ran into half a dozen others who just happened to be there. I had conversations with new people along the lines of "Oh, you had Friday night dinner by Svetlana one time? I know her through Rita." It was exhilerating.

Last night, I got to play again. I went to another party hosted by Bangitout.com. This time for Lag B'Omer. The online invite boasted free snacks and wacky "adjective stickers." I wasn't sure what wacky adjective stickers were, or what the Kabbalah says about them, but I was sure I wanted to find out.

It turns out that the "adjective stickers" were meant to be a matchmaking scheme--You find the person with your adjective and that gives you an excuse to talk to them, instead of pretending to need to know the time or if that cookie tastes okay. I actually did not realize beforehand that this was a singles' thing, but I thought that was cute. And small enough to ignore if you wanted. (For the record, that night I was "Outrageous." As in, "Truly, Truly, Truly Outrageous.")

For the first few hours, the dance floor remained relatively empty . One drawback of Jewish Geography is that you probably don't want your link in 6 Degrees of Keven Soy Bacon to be "Oh, I think I met her...She was doing the running man at the Lag B'Omer party, right?" Then out of nowhere (or maybe after enough time had passed for people's vodka tonics to kick in), the floor became jam-packed. And what song blared as these Upper West Siders shook their tuchuses on the dance floor? Beyonce's "If You Like It, Then You Should Have Put a Ring On It." It was magically appropriate given the theme of the affair.

Beverly Hills, 90-Jew-10

It's no secret that I'm a bit of a 90210 fanatic. I watched all 10 seasons growing up (remember waking up to the reruns every summer?). Thanks to SoapNet, I've been able to rewatch the West Bev gang's antics and have been surprised to realize just how outspoken the writers were when it came to antisemitism. They don't just address the topic in one "very special" episode. It pops up over the years, including:

While Kelly and Dylan are making out behind Brenda's back, Brandon dates a blond girl with an affinity for rollerblading at the beach and saying that Andrea Zuckerman must be loaded 'cause you know, Jews, money, etc. Brandon dumps her.

Before Andrea gets pregnant with Jesse's baby her freshman year of college, she pledges a sorority. One of the sisters advises her to hide her religious identity. Meanwhile, Andrea's spandex-bike-shorts-wearing Jewish boyfriend scoffs at the idea that any house other than maybe AEPhi would take her. (Spoiler Alert -- They let her in the sorority anyways.)

Later at CalU, a prominent African-American leader is invited to speak on campus, despite previously making antisemitic statements. (Jesse Jackson much?) Hillel opposes it. Some kids graffiti swastikas. Really good discussion of whether he should be allowed to speak.

Fresh out of college, (Jewish) David Silver manages an up-and-coming rock band. An agent (also Jewish) wants to sign them. But wait--turns out they have some antisemitic and racist lyrics! The agent wants to sign them anyways and cash in, but after a pep talk from Donna, David does the right thing and throws the band out of the Peach Pit After Dark.

And I forget what season, but at one point after graduating, Donna Martin confronts her mom about not wanting David and her to be together because he's Jewish.

Watching these episodes today makes me ask:

How is Judaism treated in the teen soaps of today? (Um, which I still watch, of course.)

The obvious case study would be the new 90210 spin-off. It's only halfway into its first season, but so far, it's decidedly less Jewish.

First off, there are fewer obviously Jewish characters. I'm assuming Navid is Jewish, but I think if I hadn't gone to NYU and met a lot of Persian Jews (and heard friends talk about how there's a huge Persian Jewish community in LA), I wouldn't realize that he is.

David Silver's little (half) sister Erin is a character on the show, but that raises the question--Is she Jewish or not? Her dad, Mel, is, but her mom isn't. Did Mel and Jackie throw Erin a bat mitzvah? It hasn't been addressed yet.

So if there are Jewish characters, the writers have been a lot more quiet about it.

The other obvious show to examine is, of course, Gossip Girl. It's all about the twists and turns in life on the Upper East Side of New York. I'm pretty sure every person I've met so far who grew up on the UES has at least one Jewish parent. But for a show that's so wink-and-nod New York, there's a surprising lack of Jewish characters or references in general. In fact, I think last night's episode had the first straight up Jewish reference--Serena buys Aaron a "Hanukkah" present. Aaron's an auxiliary character--Serena's poseur hipster boyfriend--and his dad (Wallace Shawn!!!) is gonna be Blair's new stepdaddy.

I'm not sure that this trend is a reluctance to talk about Judaism and antisemitism specifically or more of an overall shift in teen soaps towards more salacious topics. Race, religion, gender--none of these topics are explored much today. As unrealistic as the old 90210 was, the main characters dealt with racists and anti-Semites, only periodically drank, and not everyone got laid in high school.

As for the new 90210, the producers of the show have said recently that they're going to try to have upcoming episodes revolve around real issues, similar to the way that early episodes of the original 90210 did.

I love Gossip Girl, but it does revolve around a cringe-worthy Victorian concept of status tied to wealth and social divisions based upon it. A tug of war between the Rich and the Super Rich. Money is the uncredited cast member. Since all its conflict really has money at the center, in the Gossip Girl world, race and religion are relegated to the background. There's no discussion of how the latter two might influence the former.

The teen show that defined the '90s talked bluntly about bigotry. The ones of the early naughties, not so much. A talking point that came out of the recent elections is how we like to gloss of issues like racism and sexism in our national discourse and pretend they're are ancient problems that have since been solved. The coverage of the candidates got people talking again. Maybe the new dialogue will extend into the programs aimed at teens (in between the cute clothes and boyfriend-stealing and steamy make out sessions behind the bleachers and all the other things we tune in for.)

"Jewish Dolls for Jewish Girls"

An article on Jezebel recently alerted me to the existence of Gali Girls, "Jewish dolls for Jewish girls."

Connoisseurs of childhood toys out there will probably notice the obvious resemblance to American Girl dolls, in both look and marketing themes. In the name of full disclosure, I should mention that I got into American Girl books and dolls right before it became necessary for me to stop playing with dolls. Even though the books were basic, they provided refreshing girl-as-the-hero stories without any hot pink covers. At the back of the books were pages about what real life was like for girls in that given time period. And the catalog....Who doesn't want an ice cream maker like Samantha had in 1912? You could spend hours going through that thing. Needless to say, I think the franchise provides positive creative outlets and role models for young girls.

Who knows if the dolls will end up getting in trouble with the American Girl brand, but I have to say, I really approve of the idea at least. What I appreciate about the line is that instead of making one doll with dark brown hair and one with light brown hair, it highlights the diversity among Jewish people.

I'm not sure exactly why it's so important for girls in the 7-12-year-old sect to see girls who look like them on TV, book covers, and yes, in the form of dolls. But it is. On some level, it probably validates the idea that their looks are acceptable or even pretty. Images of Jewish girls are rare in popular media, and positive images are even harder to find. The general stereotype is Ashkenazi/White, dark hair, and quite possibly a Long Island accent. I know I would get annoyed when people would tell me I didn't "look Jewish"--I can only imagine how much harder it is for young Jews who are African or Asian-American to feel like they fit in when they walk into the room.

The Gali Girls are divided into historical and modern-day ones. The historical characters include a red-headed girl who immigrates from Russia in 1914, a Chinese girl living in Kaifeng in 1175, and a tan girl with dark hair who immigrates from Brazil. The modern-day dolls come in a variety of hair and eye-color combinations (although I'm still waiting the brown-haired, blue-eyed one). All come with toy Shabbat kits and the website boasts a "Mitzvah of the Week" section, urging girls to do a good deed.

Since I haven't read any of the Gali Girl books, I can't elaborate on the actual message they convey. However, in a world where Bratz are the most popular-selling doll, a series that teaches girls about the many different cultures within their religion and urges them to help others seems like it can only do good.




~I also want to note that just because there wasn't a specifically Jewish American Girl doll (at least not as of 1997; they may have added one since then), that didn't mean you couldn't make your doll Jewish. Once they started their modern "Just Like You" dolls, you could buy a Chanukah outfit. Thus, my colonial Felicity doll is still sporting a Star of David necklace.~

One Small Step for Jewish Boys

Months and months ago, I went with Katie to see the movie Keeping Up with the Steins specifically so I would blog about it afterwards. When I saw the DVD sitting on the shelf at Blockbuster a couple weeks ago, I remembered that I'd never actually written about it. In case you hadn't heard, it's a movie starring Jeremy Piven as a father who feels pressure to out-do the bash another family threw for their son's bar mitzvah. It takes place in the world where 13-year-olds get party planners and glide into their bar mitzvah afterparty on replicas of the Titanic. (I first got a glimpse of this world while reading one of those New York-themed magazines at the allergist's office freshman year that had a one-page spread of a real-life bar mitzvah boy riding into his party on an elephant. Personally, I've only been to one bat mitzvah so far....There was a dj, but no elephant that I remember.)

The son in the film isn't feeling the whole bar mitzvah thing until his estranged grandfather, played by Gary Marshall, helps him reconnect with Judaism. So I should probably blog about the scene where Marshall asks the boy, "So what's your favorite part of being Jewish?" and the kid replies "I don't know, bagel and lox," to which Marshall retorts, "Well maybe it should be about more than that."

But I'm not. (Although maybe I will later...) 'Cause when I think back about the movie, the thing that actually stands out after months and months is the guy who played the Hebrew school teacher/Cantor. He was hott. Like guy-whom-the-girl-who-works-for-Alan-Rickman-in-Love-Actually-has-a-crush-on gorgeous.

And here's why that's cool. Other than a personal favorite of mine, the Hebrew Hammer, few movies have established a Jewish, male sex symbol. At least one that's actually sexy. And not in a "I'm so schlubby and Jewish isn't it cute the way I have mishap after mishap as I try to seduce the Protestant girl?" No offense, Ben Stiller. You are cute. But this character obviously embrassed his religion (I mean, he was a cantor), and it wasn't one of those times where they go out and find someone who isn't actually Jewish (cough, Hebrew Hammer, cough), but who looks "Jewish enough" for the role. If you pop into the Bronfman center, you'll see that there are all kinds of different-looking people in there, so I like that in this movie someone can play a Jew without having to fit the image of one that a lot of people have in their heads. (At the same time, I like how the Hebrew Hammer shows that the stereotypical Jewish look can be hot, too.)

If you rent the movie, his role was actually really minor, but hey, it got my attention.

Providence

I'm feeling a bit rusty, so I thought I'd post about Jewish stuff in Rhode Island, or lack thereof. (I spent a month in Providence working with the Democrats.)

I lived on the East Side of Providence, which is apparently the Jewish side. That being said, there wasn't a kosher "restaurant" per se in all of Rhode Island. (Managed to go nearly a month without meat without talking about it quite as constantly this time.) I was working 10-14 hours everyday, so I didn't actually get to try out any of the synagogues (from what I could tell, other than Chabad, there were only Reform and Conservative ones). I felt really guilty about that, which is odd because I generally don't go to services when I'm in Florida either. I think maybe it was because this was the first time I was officially "working" on Shabbat. It kinda made me realize that a real decision needs to be made about that.

Anyways, the morning (er, afternoon) after the election, I caught a taxi to take me back home from the hotel. The cab driver and I got to talking. He was complaining that the proposed ammendment for a casino hadn't been passed. "Oy gavalt!" I exclaimed, as I often do.

"Are you a lanceman?" He replied. At least that's what it sounded like. Still not 100% sure what that means.

"Huh?" I said.

"Are you Jewish? I haven't heard anyone say that in years," he explained.

Turns out he was Jewish. He told me how he used to speak Yiddish with his grandparents, but hasn't spoken it in some time and how Providence used to be a lot "more Jewish" when he was growing up. And then he gave me walking directions to two of the shuls and told me where I could find kosher food nearby. He even gave me his business card and cab number and said I could call him if I have any questions about where to go for Shabbos. Just not Friday or Saturday 'cause he doesn't work then.

I think it's kinda nice that (often) Jews seem to feel a responsibility for helping out other Jews, at least in the food and housing department. Especially the food department. Regardless of their affiliation or if they would be that welcoming on a "let's be actual friends" level.

It reminds me of one Yom Kippur at NYU. If you've ever spent the high holidays at school, then you know it hosts a random, ecclectic group of non-East Coasters who don't live close enough to go home and probably don't know each other very well. After services ended, this girl I vaguely recognized asked me if I had food at home. When I told her I didn't, she insisted that I come back to her dorm to break the fast with a snack. Keep in mind this is someone who had never spoken to me before, and honestly, I don't think we really ever spoke afterwards. But she felt compelled to make sure I was taken care of, and I've always appreciated that. It's so nice to feel like you have a network you could turn to if you needed to without feeling like you're overstepping what's appropriate. And knowing you'd reciprocate if you were in the same position.

Jew vs. Jews for Jesus

You know that comedian Jackie Mason? Well, to be totally honest, I wasn't that familiar with him, but it turns out whoever makes the Jews for Jesus pamphlets is. J4J passed out a pamphlet with a picture of him and the phrase "Jacki Mason...A Jew for Jesus?!" on the cover. Inside, it talks about how Jews and Christians are alike. Problem is, Mason is NOT a Jew for Jesus, and now he's suing the group for using his "schtick" as he calls it without his permission. What makes it even better is that I just saw an interview with him on TV, and he's like the most Jewishy guy EVER. Like in that old school, Yiddisha, if he was an actor trying to "act" Jewish, you'd think he was way over the top way.

Makes me wonder if Dr. Phil knows he was on the cover of the similar pamphlet I picked up at Union Square.

CNN Article on Mason

Here Comes the Bride...

Two of my friends got married! More specifically, two of my Orthodox Jewish friends got married. Which means...I attended my first Jewish wedding!

The most noticable thing about a Jewish wedding is that it's SO not like the weddings you see on TV. And let's face it, most of my ideas about weddings came from the climax of movies or primetime TV during sweeps.

First, there's a shmorg, which is basically like a pre-wedding snack, only in this case, it was the most food I've ever seen in one room, school cafeterias included. They had a sushi bar, tables of fruit and pasta salads, falafel, schwarma, hot dogs, hamburgers, ribs, baked chicken, some guy cutting a roast chicken, deli roll, and chinese food. Keep in mind this is all before dinner. I wanted to take a picture 'cause I didn't think my non-Jewish friends would believe me otherwise. I figured maybe after seeing that, they would see where my constant need to make sure people are well-fed comes from. :)

Then the beautiful bride comes in and sits in a big chair and all the girls go up to her and squeal and giggle and etc. One thing that really stands out about Orthodox weddings is the wedding dress--Just look at all the wedding pictures people are posting on facebook this summer and you'll see what I mean. Instead of the strapless, low-cut, but classy dress you might be used to seeing, the dresses come up really high and have at least 3/4 length sleeves. I think it makes it a lot harder to get a cute dress. (The bride in this case pulled it off though.)

Then there's the bedekin. All the guys sorta dance the groom into the room and he pulls the bride's veil down over her face.

Finally the ceremony. Okay, it's absolutely NOTHING like weddings on TV. Except for the breaking of the glass part. The bride circles around the groom seven times to symbolize the building of a home. It's divided into two parts--the "official" engagement and the actual wedding. During the "engagement" part the groom gives the bride her wedding ring. Then the katuba (Jewish wedding contract) is read in Hebrew. Then the wedding part happens and a bunch of guys come up one by one and say a prayer (or at least something in Hebrew) and then I think the groom says something, and then he breaks the glass. Which apparently symbolizes the destruction of the Temple. Then the happy spouses run off down the isle together. If you were actually paying attention to all that, then you may have noticed I didn't mention the bride giving the groom a ring. That's right! There's no "Do you take this man/woman?", no "I do," no giving-a-ring-to-the-groom. I think nowadays she generally does that during their alone time together after the ceremony (they get to spend time alone in a room right afterwards for like half an hour--usually to eat since most of the time, they've been fasting all day before the wedding).

Afterwards, the couple runs in together under an arch and lots and lots of non-coed dancing commences. Girls would come up and do some silly dances for the bride and brought along some schtick (posters, etc.) I'm assuming the guys did the same (I know some dancing-related injuries were had).

It was an amazing time--Everyone looked so happy. I'd really like to go to a Conservative or Reform wedding to see if and how they incorporate the Western customs we're used to seeing into a traditional Jewish wedding. (If anyone who's reading this is engaged, I'll assume my invitation is in the mail.)